


The Humanity of Souji Seta

by ikehgaan



Category: Persona 4
Genre: (a bit?? how do I tag ugh), (mostly because of Nanako), (partially because of Yosuke's unresolved inner conflicts), Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-14 22:24:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4582371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikehgaan/pseuds/ikehgaan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone idolized Souji. That was as clear as the weather <em>wasn't<em>. And though Yosuke always admired Souji, he thought that they had a different relationship than Souji did with the others. They were supposed to be partners, equals, and Yosuke felt like he saw Souji clearly. With the recent turn of events, however, Yosuke was beginning to doubt his own sight.</em></em></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been toying with this idea for a while now, and had some time this summer to finally write it all out. I was looking for the most realistic, logical way in which Yosuke could come to realize both his feelings for Souji and the pedestal he has had Souji on for so long, and be forced to deal with them. Inspired by some amazing art I will link to after the chapter in which it is referenced (since it contains mild spoilers), as well as my own play-through of P4, this takes place following the defeat of Namatame's shadow and Nanako's hospitalization.

Fighting Namatame's shadow was the most challenging experience Yosuke had ever been through. As though Nanako being in immediate danger wasn't enough, their strongest attacks frequently missed, and then there was the matter of the freaking _mind control _. Yosuke expected that the confrontation with Namatame's shadow would be more difficult than any of the previous shadows they had faced - it followed the same game-like pattern of every dungeon being slightly more difficult and every 'boss' shadow being slightly stronger than the last - but the fight was overwhelming, to say the least. They still managed to pull through - _barely _, Yosuke thought after the fight, taking in the drained forms of his friends and Souji, crouched, holding Nanako in his arms - and as the giant black and red shadow faded, leaving only Namatame on the marble battleground, Yosuke heaved a sigh of relief. His respite was quickly cut short, however, as a cry from Souji had him rushing over. He was quickly joined by the rest of his friends, and together they looked down in shock at Nanako, now motionless in Souji's arms.____

"Is she...?" Yukiko asked quietly, voicing everyone's thoughts. For a moment no one moved, and the very air around the platform seemed to still. Then Souji was up, rushing down the stairs, Nanako's form still limp in his arms.

The rest of the day was a blur. Yosuke remembered helping Kanji drag Namatame out of the TV and back into Junes where, thanks to a quick call from Naoto, both police and paramedics were there to take Nanako and Namatame to the hospital. Somehow they all got to the hospital themselves, but as Yosuke sat on a hard bench outside of ICU, all he could remember clearly were flashes from the battle and Souji's terrified face as Nanako lay unmoving in his arms. Glancing up at Souji, now stationed off to Yosuke's right against one of the grey hallway walls and staring down at the floor, Yosuke took in his closed-off demeanor. It was composed to the point of unreality considering the state two of his family members were in, but Yosuke was unsure how to make sure Souji was okay. Ever since their fight on the Samegawa a little over a week ago, Yosuke had felt more connected to Souji, like their relationship had deepened. Affection and admiration now rose up heavily inside him whenever he thought about Souji or the memories they shared, and Yosuke didn't want their bond to lose the strength it had so recently gained. He was going to go over and say something, maybe try to lighten the mood, when Teddie spoke up.

"Nana-chan's still small... so her other self didn't appear like everyone else... And she got caught in all that craziness... I hope she'll be okay.".

"I mean, are the doctors going to be able to help her...?" Yosuke asked in response. He couldn't help but worry that the doctors would be just as confused in the face of Nanako's illness as they were with the rest of the fog-related illnesses plaguing Inaba recently. His comment had Teddie crying out over how worried he was for Nanako, and then Chie was adding on a "But there's nothing more we can do for her..." and Yosuke figured that was the extent of the conversation for the night. At least until news about Nanako's condition came out.  


The hallway was quiet once more, and Yosuke's attention was caught by a hallway light flickering in his periphery. He was in the middle of contemplating if he had enough money saved to pay for a broken light in a hospital when Naoto let out a frustrated groan.  


"A deliveryman named Namatame, the possibility of Nanako-chan being targeted... If only I'd been more thorough in putting the facts together! Then Nanako-chan wouldn't have had to go through this!" Naoto was facing the wall with a pinched, angry look on her face. Yosuke thought back over all the months spent saving everyone, all the now-obvious clues, all the time they puzzled over the murders, and felt guilt weigh heavily on his chest.  


"That... goes for me too. If I hadn't stood there like a lump in front of that bastard, Nanako-chan might've been okay...".  
It seemed Naoto's and Yosuke's statements had opened the floodgates. Chie, Yukiko, and Rise were quick to add on their own comments, equally sad expressions on their faces.  


"I hate myself. Why do I always panic when it matters most?".  


"I couldn't do anything either...".  


"I should've noticed sooner that something was wrong with that guy...".  


And then it circled back around to Naoto, who continued.  


"Why did I waste my time listening to what Namatame had to say?! If I hadn't tried to engage him in conversation, and we'd rescued Nanako-chan immediately, this wouldn't have happened!"  


Yosuke could feel the depressing atmosphere they had created, hovering among them like the fog outside.  


"Don't blame yourselves" Souji said quietly, in the way he tended to when giving advice or trying to console. He managed to fit sincerity and kindness and understanding into such a small amount of words; Yosuke both envied and admired the skill. But Souji's face was still blank, and his hands were still tight around his arms as though he was physically holding himself together. Yosuke wondered if Souji was taking his own advice.  


"But...I still..." Naoto said, but before she could finish Yosuke saw Kanji turn from the wall he was facing and run a hand through his hair.  


"Alright, enough of this pity party. Is standing around whining really what we oughtta be doing now? Feeling pathetic, consoling each other... That gonna solve anything!? We gotta believe in her. So stop rehashing what's already done. Get it together, Naoto!"  


Yosuke had to admit he was impressed. Kanji effectively just told Naoto, and the rest of them, to get their shit together. For all of Kanji's... _odd _traits... Yosuke appreciated the bluntness he brought to the team.__  


"Sorry... you're absolutely right." Naoto said, recovering quickly from her shock at Kanji's slight outburst.  


"This is all that bastard Namatame's fault, and he's behind bars now, right? And it ain't like we were too late for Nanako-chan." Kanji was right, Yosuke thought. The case was over, Nanako was fine, Dojima was fine. All that was left to do now was wait for their recoveries.  


"Yeah... That's true." Yukiko stated, eyes glued to her lap in apparent bashfulness. The atmosphere of the hallway was still tense, but Kanji had relieved some of the depressing feeling, at least.  


"I'll come see Nana-chan every day so she'll get better faster!" Teddie added, further brightening everyone's spirits.  


"That's all we can do right now. Gee, Kanji... you sounded cool for a second there." Rise said with a giggle, causing an outburst from Kanji and laughter from the rest of the group. Yosuke glanced up and was pleased to see even Souji had a small smile on his face. Then out of the corner of his eye, further down the dimly lit hallway, Yosuke saw movement. He tensed before recognizing the disheveled figure. Adachi approached them out of the semi-darkness and came to a stop next to Souji. He gave them a quick update on Nanako - mainly that there weren't any updates because the doctors had to do tests - and told them to go home because "The last thing we need is for you guys to collapse too". Adachi was right, and they all knew it, so following his lead they trudged through the empty hospital and out into the cool night air. Yosuke was about to turn and say goodnight to Souji, maybe make sure he was doing okay with everything, when he realized no one was behind him. Glancing around at his friends walking off into the night, Yosuke didn't see Souji's figure. It was only when he realized that Teddie was also not around that Yosuke managed to calm down, and the noise of the hospital door sliding open further relieved him.  


Turning around to face Souji and Teddie, Yosuke felt a wave of fatigue wash over him. He hadn't realized how much he was holding in until he had a moment to breathe. Souji wore an equally tired expression, but when he locked eyes with Yosuke he smoothed out his features and showed a light smile. Yosuke smiled back, if only for the principle of pretending they were both fine and not about to collapse from exhaustion. Before he could say anything, Souji was bidding them both a goodnight and walking off through the fog. Yosuke stared after him until he felt Teddie pulling on his sleeve, whining about how tired he was. Yosuke felt like whining too, especially about having to go to school tomorrow, so he pushed down the sense that he was missing something and walked home with Teddie.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second chapter up! Sorry it's late in the day, I got caught up with packing for school :P  
> Thanks everyone for the kudos, and I hope you enjoy this chapter too!

Yosuke woke up bleary-eyed the following morning. There was a horrible taste in his mouth, and when he went to roll over to turn off his alarm every muscle in his body screamed. Yukiko's magic could only do so much. Sighing heavily, Yosuke forced himself to sit up and glance around his bedroom. Teddie wasn't around - probably downstairs making breakfast or at Junes - and with nothing else to serve as a distraction from the impending start of the school day, he stood up fully and stretched, trying to work out the knots in his back. Tossing on one of the less-smelly v-necks that were scattered on the floor, then pants and a jacket, Yosuke grabbed his headphones from the dresser before heading downstairs to make the trek to school. 

Entering the 2-2 classroom within minutes of the bell ringing, Yosuke had a moment to take in the fatigued looks on his friends' faces. _Even Souji looks worn out_ , Yosuke thought as he slid into his seat. There was still something knocking against the back of Yosuke's head, something about fatigue and saving Nanako and Souji's face last night and today, but Mr. Yamada interrupted his train of thought. He was going on about the temperature, and wearing extra layers, and honestly Yosuke appreciated his teacher's advice, _in theory_ , but right now he wanted nothing more than to lay his head in his arms on his desk and take a nap. It was only hearing Souji's name called that broke Yosuke from his sleep-fueled trance; he watched Souji stand up and say "The South Pole" ( _When did we move on to geography?_ ) which, of course, was the answer Mr. Yamada was looking for. His worry over his partner satisfied, Yosuke let his eyes slip closed and his head droop onto his hands. Souji was fine. Nanako was fine, so Souji was fine. 

In too short of a time Yosuke was being rudely woken up with a kick to his desk.

"Gah- Chie! What the hell! Why couldn't you have gently shaken me awake? Or at least not kicked me!?"

"I didn't kick _you_ , Yosuke, I kicked your desk. Besides, you shouldn't be sleeping in class! Maybe if you were actually awake your grades wouldn't be so terrible," Chie said with an eye-roll. She was standing next to Yosuke's desk, Yukiko standing behind her, giggling into her hand. Yosuke refrained from making a comment about how Chie was always awake in class and it didn't seem to do _her_ grades any good. He didn't particularly want a repeat of the Trial of the Dragon debacle.

"Yeah, well, technicalities. I'm just saying, this is why guys don't like you! You're too... _rough_. Guys like a girl who's delicate, who they can take care of," Yosuke said, crossing his arms and smirking up at Chie.

"No Yosuke, I think that's just _you_ ," Chie said, her face tight. Yosuke scoffed at her comment, and with a huff and another eye-roll she stomped off, dragging Yukiko behind her. Yosuke watched her leave, his smirk twisting down into pursed lips. There were plenty of guys who felt the same way he did, Chie was just too stubborn to see that.

Turning back around in his seat, Yosuke shook the annoyance from his mind before looking at Souji sitting in front of him. His friend was still facing toward the front of the classroom - unusual especially with the noise he and Chie had been making. Getting out of his seat and leaning down with a hand on the back of Souji's chair, Yosuke began to ask Souji if he wanted to get lunch when his question caught in his throat. Even at his awkward angle, Yosuke could see Souji's face. Souji's whole demeanor looked greyed out; he wasn't wearing an expression and his eyes stared unblinking down at the desk. It was different than in the TV, when Souji would sometimes stop and stare off into space for a while. That look was focused, almost calculating in some occasions. This, though, was something entirely different. It was like Souji wasn't entirely there, and his lack of expression wasn't pleasant to look at like usual, it was frightening. He looked lost and sad and scared and empty.

Then Yosuke's hand was slipping off the back of the chair and he was falling down onto the classroom floor with a thud. Glancing up, Yosuke saw Souji peeking at him over the edge of the desk, normal calm expression back mixed with a hint of concern.

"Yosuke? You okay?" Souji asked. He sounded normal, he looked normal, and Yosuke could've easily passed off whatever he saw as a trick of the light, or Souji being as tired as the rest of them for once after a battle. But he looked up at Souji from his vantage point on the floor and felt concern rise in him. _Are you?_ he wanted to ask, but settled for,

"Yeah, just me being clumsy like always. Want to go get lunch?"

The small smile on Souji's face as he nodded and held a hand out to pull Yosuke up was enough to put Yosuke's mind at ease, at least for the rest of the day. Souji was normal during lunch and for the rest of class, and he disappeared after school - to work his daycare job, or hang out with someone, Yosuke imagined. He vowed to keep an eye on Souji, at least for a few days, but whenever Yosuke talked to Souji in the days that followed he was his normal, composed self. Yosuke started to wonder if the whole thing was just a fluke and he was worrying for nothing. Souji seemed fine, and why wouldn't he be? They had won, and Souji had always been better at dealing with TV stuff. This time wouldn't be any different. 

 

It was lunchtime on Thursday, and Yosuke was grateful for the end of the week slowly approaching, even if he did have to work tonight. Souji was off with someone eating lunch, and Yosuke was leaving the classroom to go get his own when he was stopped by Rise.

"Yosuke-senpai, do you have a moment?" Rise asked, glancing both ways down the hallway quickly before turning back to Yosuke.

"Um... yeah, sure, what's up?" It was odd for Rise to seek him out specifically, but Yosuke figured she had a question about Souji, or Souji's favorite color (blue), or his plans for the weekend (none as of now, he had assured Yosuke at lunch the other day, but that would definetly change), so he was unsurprised when she said,

"It's about Souji-senpai."

Yosuke nodded for her to continue, leaning against the classroom doorway.

"I'm worried about him. Everyone is, I mean... he seems so _off_ , lately, and a few of the others have told me they haven't seen him around town at all, and I haven't seen him hanging out with anyone outside of school, and I know Nanako-chan is safe and Dojima-san is fine, but you're his best friend, so if anyone was going to know what was wrong, you would, right?"

Oh.

Yosuke had to hold himself back from visibly cringing. Surely it wasn't as bad as Rise was making it out to be. She was a performer, and they were known for being dramatic! Souji was fine, Yosuke had been making sure of it. Hadn't he?

"Uh... Souji is-, I mean he's... Look, of course he's tired, his uncle and younger cousin are in the hospital, but he's fine! I've talked to him every day this week because I was worried too, but he's totally his normal self!" Yosuke tried to feel assured in what he said, but the look of slight confusion and hesitation on Rise's face made him falter.

"Senpai, haven't you noticed how distant Souji-senpai is recently?" Rise asked, concern coloring her features.

"Wha- well... I mean yeah, a little. But I'm sure he's fine! Just the other day I thought something was wrong, but when I talked to him he was his normal self," Yosuke said. He was quickly losing ground here; it was one thing to push down his own worries, but to have them brought up by someone else...

"Just," Rise began, and then tensed as she glanced again down the hallway. Following the direction of her gaze, Yosuke could see Souji coming down from the stairs and heading toward them. "Just please look, really _look_ at him. I'd try and make sure he's okay, but I can't seem to catch him outside of school, and I doubt he'd talk to me about this stuff anyway."

Before Yosuke could reply, Rise was walking away down the hall in the opposite direction of where they saw Souji come downstairs, and Yosuke was turning to greet Souji.

"Hey partner! How was lunch?" Yosuke asked, trying to sound as normal as he could while acting like he hadn't just been discussing him with Rise. Souji merely nodded and, with a smile, said a quick "Good" before heading into the classroom. Yosuke was left to puzzle over Souji's response, looking for any abnormality, but for the life of him Souji seemed normal. Sighing heavily after a moment, Yosuke turned and headed into the classroom. As he was walking toward his desk, he glanced at Souji's face. Souji's line of sight was down at his desk again, but as Yosuke walked past it shifted up to look at him. Catching Souji's eyes, Yosuke saw just flash of the alarming emptiness he saw the other day before it was gone and Souji was smiling up at him. Yosuke forced himself to quickly smile back before slipping into his seat. Something was definitely wrong.

Yosuke excused himself once in the middle of class to go to the bathroom, and then right before the end. He ignored the teacher's glares in favor of trying to subtly monitor Souji's condition whenever he returned. The middle-of-the-class trip had Souji focusing intently on the board and showing no signs of unusual behavior. When Yosuke returned at the end of class a bit after the bell rang, however, he entered the classroom just as Souji was leaving. The look was back, and Yosuke stiffened as Souji passed him. Yosuke cursed his work schedule, wishing he could catch up to Souji and ask him to hang out, but then an idea bloomed in his head. With a smile Yosuke hurried to pack up his things and head to work, eager to finish his shift.


	3. Chapter 3

Yosuke's head was pounding as he walked through the chilly night air, bags heavy in his arms. His shift was torture, as usual, but dealing with all the extra customers the sale had brought in put him on his dad's good side, at least - it had been no problem convincing him to let Yosuke stay over at Souji's, even if it was a school night. So what if the 'project' they were working on didn't exist? Yosuke's parents probably wouldn't have accepted, "I'm worried about Souji's mental state and want to force him to hang out with me so I can watch him closely" as a reason for Yosuke staying over, anyway.

Part of Yosuke still hesitated to believe that there was anything really wrong with Souji. It was obvious to him now that Souji had moments where he looked... not good. But Yosuke still couldn't imagine Souji not being able to deal with something.

With those thoughts and questions flitting around in his head, Yosuke approached the Dojima household. There was a light on downstairs, Yosuke noticed as he knocked on the wooden door. Getting no response to his knocking, Yosuke leaned back to look up at the house. The upstairs was dark. He stepped back under the entryway awning and knocked once more, slightly louder this time. Again he was met with silence punctuated only by the slight breeze and far-off birds. Moving on instinct Yosuke pushed open the door and moved inside. /Maybe he's out fishing/, Yosuke thought in a weak attempt at reassurance as he toed off his shoes, _or in the bathroom?_

"Partner?" Yosuke called as he walked further into the house. More silence greeted him.

Glancing around the main living area, everything appeared normal. The only light on was the one above the sink, but it was bright enough to illuminate the living room with it's small TV and kotatsu set up. Shoving down a feeling of dread creeping up his spine, Yosuke called out again into the silent house.

"Souji? Souji, you here?" 

This time there was a thud in response from upstairs. Glad no one was around to see him jump, Yosuke tried to calm his breathing. Refusing to acknowledge the horror movie imagery surfacing in his mind, Yosuke turned and began to climb the stairs to the second floor. The upper area of the house was as dark as it appeared from outside, and from what Yosuke could see once his eyes adjusted, every door upstairs was closed tight. Pushing through his fear, Yosuke reached for what he knew from memory to be the door to Souji's room. It opened with an ominous creak, and with a final breath Yosuke was reaching into the darkness and flipping the light switch.

The eerily-quiet house was nothing compared to this.

The room was trashed. The metal shelf was tipped over, it's contents strewn across the floor and mixed with clothing pulled from the open wardrobe. The coffee table was shoved against the TV stand and held various piles of magazines, DVDs, as well as the TV, which appeared to have tipped facedown onto it. The couch was misplaced, the curtains torn, the desk covered in crumpled paper and ripped notebooks. All of Souji's usual neatness was gone, and the contrast was shocking to Yosuke. He stood horrified in the doorway until movement in the center of the room caught his eye. Among the clutter and the chaos was a blanket bundled around something. A flash of grey hair caught Yosuke's eye.

"Holy shit." Yosuke whispered. Then he was moving. Setting down the Junes bag of food in the hallway, he stepped over the sprawled shelving and various objects until he was crouched next to Souji.

"Partner! Partner are you okay? Souji? Come on, Souji?!"

Yosuke had pushed the blanket down Souji's body and was shaking his shoulders, growing more panicked as he got no response. Souji was limp, pliant in Yosuke's hands, his face drawn in and expressionless. Yosuke gave up on provoking a response, pursing his lips in decided frustration before slipping one arm under Souji's legs, another around his upper back. With a groan he stood up, and after steadying himself carried the blanket-clad Souji downstairs. Setting him on the couch, Yosuke turned on the main light in the living room. He bent down again so he wasn't looming over Souji and gently placed a hand on Souji's knee.

"I brought some food, from Junes, for us. It's upstairs and I'm going to go get it, but I want you to stay here and don't move, okay partner?" Yosuke asked, trying to infuse calmness into his voice despite still slightly panicking. It would be pretty easy for Souji to follow Yosuke's request given his catatonic state, but Yosuke still waited in his crouch, searching Souji's face for any sign of awareness or recognition. Yosuke had no basis of comparison for a situation like this, so was running mostly on adrenaline-based auto-pilot, focusing mainly on calming Souji down. Eventually Souji gave a tiny nod, and with a small sigh of relief Yosuke stood up. Satisfied that Souji wouldn't disappear while he was gone, Yosuke hurried back up the tiny staircase. He was just picking up the bag he had left in the hallway - the food would need re-heating, but Yosuke figured he could work the stove without Souji, /probably/ - when his eyes caught on the mess in Souji's room. Setting the bag back down he went to work, happy that he had been in Souji's room a lot over the past few months.

 _Because I know where everything goes now_ , Yosuke added on with a jolt, wincing at how he sounded without the addition before shaking his head and continuing his cleaning.

In a short time Yosuke had the room cleaned back up and rearranged as it was before. Not much could be done about the curtains though, so he settled for tucking the torn edges up over the metal hooks so the curtain at least covered the window. Hopefully Souji would replace them before Dojima noticed.

Pleased with his work, Yosuke grabbed the bag in the hallway and headed back downstairs. Souji was still on the couch, bundled up and looking as if he hadn't blinked, let alone moved, since Yosuke had been upstairs. An odd feeling of uncertainty overcame Yosuke after seeing the hunched figure on the couch; Souji was being so uncharacteristic, and Yosuke was left on his own to figure out how to deal with it all.

 _I have to find out what's wrong_ , Yosuke thought, determined regardless of his hesitation. _I'll make dinner, and then make him eat dinner, and then find out what's wrong, and it'll be fine. It's just Souji_.

Carrying out his plan, Yosuke was quick to heat up the food he brought, make tea, and set it all out on the kotatsu in the living room. Thankfully Souji moved on his own, sliding off the couch to sit in front of the kotatsu.

Yosuke spent more of the meal watching Souji not eat than actually eating. Souji took small bites and drank sips of tea infrequently, but appeared more concerned with keeping his blanket wrapped tightly around himself than anything. After only about 20 minutes Souji seemed to give up on eating, opting to stare at the top of the kotatsu, so Youske finished a few more bites before clearing off the tabletop. When Yosuke returned back to the living room, Souji was back on the couch. Hesitating for only a moment, Yosuke sat down next to him, careful to keep a small distance between them.

The silence of the house quickly became oppressive, and Yosuke's thoughts were an anxiety-riddled mixture of _what the hell is going on/ and /why did I not notice how bad it was sooner_ and _I have no idea what to do but I have to do something_. Sighing loudly he turned toward Souji.

"So... did'ya wanna talk about it? Or..." Yosuke said, feeling the sudden urge to smash his face against a wall because _really, do you want to talk about it? How lame can you even get I mean-_

"What's there to say?"

The question was asked so quietly Yosuke was sure he had imagined it. But then Souji was turning his tired face toward Yosuke and speaking in that same soft, not-quite-there voice.

"She's in the _hospital_ , Yosuke, she could've _died_."

"But she didn't. We saved her, she's okay, I'm sure-" Yosuke said, but Souji kept going, growing more distraught.

"We...we should've trained more _I_ should've trained more... I panicked I was always panicking and we rushed through that dungeon I made us rush and if I had been a little faster, if I had just been home more god I always complain about Dojima never being home for her and then I go and... and I... I just... she's in the goddamn hospital and I'm sitting here fine why couldn't I keep her from getting hurt why couldn't I keep her safe why wasn't I _good enough_!".

Souji had been getting louder, his tone more distraught, as he went on. The last word out of his mouth was followed by a gasping sob, and Souji brought his hands up to his mouth as though trying to keep it all contained.

It was the most candidly Souji had ever spoken to him, and it brought up a sick feeling in Yosuke - not because of Souji's openness, but because of the state Souji was in despite appearing outwardly normal. There was something else too, a small twinge of wonder Yosuke didn't have time to acknowledge, one that pointed out that Souji was being open with /him/, not Rise or Yukiko or Chie or any of the others.

The thoughts passed in an instant, and then Yosuke was placing a hand on Souji's shoulder to get his attention. During his speaking Souji had grown worked up, tears brimming at his eyes, and now he was visibly shaking as he looked down at his lap. Yosuke's hand on his shoulder had him breathing deeply, seemingly trying to calm down.

"Hey... hey, Souji. Souji, listen. _You didn't do anything wrong_. Alright? It's like Kanji said in the hospital - it's that bastard Namatame's fault. _You_ led us through that dungeon. _You_ fought single handedly against us when we were controlled by Namatame's shadow. And we saved her just like we've saved the others, and she's going to be fine just like everyone else has been."

"But..."

"No, listen to me Souji. You did fine, and you...you're more than good enough, alright? We couldn't do any of this without you, without your fighting skill or your personas, and..." Yosuke paused here, looking away sheepishly from Souji's face before continuing. "You're incredible. I hope you know how much you've changed all our lives... all you've done for everyone, Nanako included." 

Yosuke wasn't sure Souji really believed anything he had just said, but at least Souuji's breathing had quieted, and he didn't feel as tense under Yosuke's hand. Dropping said hand back onto the couch after a wave of awkward, _that's been there for a while_ , hit him, Yosuke said his final piece.

"I'm–... Everyone's worried about you Souji. You're too important to us for us to let anything happen to you. And we're going to do everything we can to make sure you're okay."

Souji looked up when Yosuke was finished, and even with tear-stained cheeks and puffy eyes, he looked more calm than he had for a while.

"And I'm going to try to let you," Souji said. 

They sat in silence for a few more moments before Souji uncurled from his place on the couch and stood up. Yosuke followed, stretching as he got up. When he opened his eyes he looked over at Souji, who was studying him with a slightly furrowed brow.

"You okay, partner?" Yosuke asked, worried something else was bothering Souji. With a start Souji shook his head before glancing toward the kitchen.

"It's pretty late, do you want to stay over?" he asked. Running a hand through his hair Yosuke huffed out a laugh.

"Aha, yeah, I told my parents I was... so..." 

With a nod Souji headed for the stairs before stopping in apparent realization.

"My room..."

"I took care of it, partner," Yosuke said in response, turning off the living room light before walking over to a surprised Souji, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry about it. You of all people have a free pass to not have it all together, for once." 

Yosuke moved past Souji and headed toward the stairs, pleased when he heard light footsteps behind him. _See, it's going to be fine_ , Yosuke thought, heading upstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is kind of late! I was moving into my dorm and forgot about my schedule for a sec!
> 
> This was also the chapter inspired by some _amazing_ artwork, and I'm really sorry I can't find the original link right now (it was on pivix and I lost it... I'll search for it this weekend and update this chapter w/the correct link when I (hopefully) dig it out of my archives) but here's the photo anyway: http://i.imgur.com/vEaPHWo.jpg
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter! Sorry I'm a few days off schedule, Nietzsche and Plato can do that to you :P
> 
> Thanks again for all the kudos and comments, I hope you guys enjoy!

In retrospect, Yosuke might've spoken too soon. 

Souji was still more calm than he had been, that wasn't the issue. Yosuke was happy his words, or at least listening to everything Souji had apparently been keeping to himself for a while, had given Souji some relief. And Yosuke would gladly tell Souji a thousand times over how incredible and important a person he was if he thought it would make Souji sleep easier at night. Platonic proclamations were easy for Yosuke; sharing a bed, however? A little outside of his comfort zone. 

More than a little. 

Logically, Yosuke knew there were worse things. Kanji's dungeon, or being forced to cross-dress in the beauty pagent, for example. _There's plenty of space between us on the futon_ , he told himself, _it doesn't mean anything_ , he continued. Souji had said they didn't have extra blankets for the couch and Yosuke could feel the chill of the house even through his clothes. And Souji had just looked so apologetic and really there's no way Yosuke could've justified saying, "No, partner, I'd rather sleep on the cold, hard floor in the dead of winter than in a bed with you, but thanks". 

So he didn't. Yosuke had merely nodded and said, "It's fine dude, I'm chill" even if that was the furthest thing from what he truly was. Yosuke was probably closer to 'on fire' if chill equated to not freaking out over sharing a futon with your best friend. 

Breathing a deep sigh, Yosuke forced his eyes closed once more and tried to forget where he was. But every shift, every breath from Souji had him tensing, and with a huff Yosuke reopened his tired eyes and stared at the ceiling in surrender, pleading for sleep to claim him. 

He woke up on the floor. 

More accurately, he woke up to an elbow in his back that had him lurching right off the side of the bed in surprise. It was the second time in a week he had hit the ground outside of the TV world, and also the second time in a week he looked up from the ground to see Souji peeking at him over the edge of something. 

"I hope you're not planning to make a habit of this," Souji said with a smile, mirroring Yosuke's thoughts. There was a sliver of morning light coming in from between the ripped curtain and the non-damaged ones, and it hit across a portion of Souji's face. Looking up, Yosuke found himself caught on the way it lit up Souji's cheekbone and the bridge of his nose, how clear and smooth Souji's skin looked, and then his gaze wandered to Souji's eyes. They looked better, less tired and brighter than they had been last night. Yosuke saw a spark of humor in them when they met his own, and with a smile Yosuke rolled his eyes to break the trance he seemed to be in. _I must've hit my head when I fell if I'm spending this much time admiring Souji's face like a girl_ , Yosuke thought, ignoring what was obviously _not_ his heartbeat speeding up slightly. 

"As long as you promise not to elbow me anymore. Those things are sharp!" Yosuke said, smiling when he saw Souji snort. 

"You think they'd work in the TV? Maybe I should ditch the swords for a while..." Souji said, beginning to play-fight imaginary shadows with his elbows from his seat on the bed. 

"Hey, if Chie can use her feet, I'm sure you could get away with using your elbows," Yosuke replied, standing up and heading over to the bag of clothes he had brought last night. "You're pretty good with your sword, though." 

Souji didn't respond, but when Yosuke turned around with his own wrinkled school uniform, Souji was standing, looking at him in apparent consideration, like he was unsure over how to go about saying something. After a moment he spoke. 

"I wanted to say thanks. For the food and cleaning my room and really just _being here_ , for me." 

"Any time, partner. I said we were all worried about you. I just happened to... show up when you needed someone." 

"Still," Souji said, heading to his dresser to dig out his own uniform. Watching Souji look through drawers reminded Yosuke of the disaster the room had been yesterday and he found himself unsure once more. 

Everyone idolized Souji. That was as clear as the weather /wasn't/. Yosuke always admried Souji, but he thought that they had a different relationship than Souji did with the others. They were supposed to be partners, equals, and Yosuke felt like he saw Souji clearly. More clearly than someone like Rise did, anyway. With the recent turn of events, however, Yosuke was beginning to doubt his view of Souji. 

Souji was Yosuke's best friend, but this was the first time Yosuke was aware that Souji had actual _problems_ he was dealing with. Going over the conversations they had had, Yosuke clearly remembered telling Souji about his own struggles moving to Inaba, with his job, with Saki-sempai and her death. Those moments where he opened up to Souji were special to him - he hadn't been able to talk to anyone about all of it, and he knew Souji was sympathetic and didn't look down on Yosuke after learning more about him. But he didn't remember Souji ever opening up in a similar way. Yosuke recalled Souji chatting about his life in the city, his parents and how much they worked, how often he moved. Yosuke knew things about Souji, sure, but they were generalities. They were benign things that you'd put on an online profile, things you wouldn't be afraid to tell strangers because they were plain enough statements that nothing could be used against you. 

"Do you like me at all?" 

The bedroom was silent, and for a second Yosuke couldn't figure out why it felt like a different silence than it had just a few minutes ago. Then Souji turned to look at him with an incredulous stare, and Yosuke realized his thoughts had slipped out. 

"N-Not in a weird way or anything! I... I mean of course you like me you like... you like all of us! Sorry, stupid question don't bother-" 

"Yosuke. Of course I like you." 

Souji looked puzzled and mildly concerned, so Yosuke took a few breaths to compose himself. 

"Right, sorry partner. I was just thinking--" 

"Don't strain yourself," Souji said with a small teasing smile. 

"Shut up! I said, I was just thinking that this is the first time I've seen you have, like, a problem? And it's... it's surprising, I guess. Not that it's a bad thing! Um... but I was thinking about when we've talked and how I never really, I don't know, asked you how you are? Or how you're dealing with the TV world stuff... I mean you always look so composed so I figured you were fine but that still isn't an excuse so, uh. I just want you to know that you can talk to me about anything, and I'm not gonna... judge you." 

"Thanks, Yosuke. It's not entirely your fault, either. I tend keep everything to myself." 

"Why?" Yosuke asked just as Souji was turning to head out of the bedroom. Souji seemed surprised at Yosuke's question as he turned back around, but Yosuke figured now was as good a time as any to get Souji to start opening up. 

"Why what?" 

"Why do you keep everything to yourself?" 

"O-oh. Um... after a while, whenever I moved to a new place, I didn't want to get to close to anyone. It would hurt more when I left if I made close friends. So I was just pleasant to everyone, but I always held back when talking about myself because if I opened up they'd open up and then we'd be closer but..." 

"But you'd still have to leave?" Yosuke finished, watching Souji nod in response. It made sense to Yosuke logically, but he couldn't imagine going through years without even one close friend. 

"So... do you feel closer to m-us?" Yosuke asked, feeling only mildly awkward about asking. Souji seemed to consider the question for a while, drawing up conflicting emotions in Yosuke. He wanted Souji to be honest with him, but hearing that Souji didn't feel connected to him, to any of them, would hurt. _It's not like he's really opened up to us either, has he_ , Yosuke thought, as Souji began to speak 

"I think so. I have, mm, _bonds_ , with all of you that I haven't had with other people. I've learned about myself through interacting with everyone, and so I feel more connected, as a result," Souji said, breaking away to go change since it was still a school morning, as much as Yosuke hated to admit it. As he put his own uniform on, Yosuke took note of the fact that he was storing little pieces of Souji he hadn't been aware of before - like how he spoke candidly when caught off guard but would quickly revert to his composed short sentences. _It'll make it easier for me to help him through stuff in the future_ , Yosuke thought. He wanted to prove he could be equals with Souji, and that meant letting Souji know he could rely on Yosuke, could open up to Yosuke, as much as Yosuke opened up to and relied on him. _Whatever happens_ , Yosuke thought, _whatever I have to do to help him, I'll do it. I'll make sure he knows I'm here for him, no matter what_.


	5. Chapter 5

Even if he didn't want to admit it to himself, Yosuke did feel more rested that day. The urge to sleep through Ms. Kashiwagi's droning voice didn't even cross his mind once (okay, _maybe_ once, but that's just because she was going on and on about models or idols or something ridiculous and how could Yosuke not look at his desk with longing).

At lunch Souji went off to eat with Kanji, and as Yosuke left the classroom to get something to eat he felt an acute sense of déjà vu. Rise was coming down the hallway, although she looked much less upset and much more relieved than she had the other day.

"Senpai! Souji-senpai looks better! Did you talk to him?" Rise asked when she approached.

"Why do you assume I did anything?" Yosuke asked, trying for coy but deflating with a sigh under Rise's skeptical look. "Yeah, yeah I did. He... wasn't taking Nanako's hospitalization very well." 

It was kind of an understatement, but the rest wasn't really Yosuke's to tell. If Rise wanted to know more, she could go to the source. 

"That's great, I'm so glad he's doing better! Tell him if he ever wants to talk to someone about that stuff I'm here and so is the rest of the team. He shouldn't have to keep it all to himself!" Rise said brightly, and Yosuke felt a wave of guilt and protectiveness wash over him. On the one hand, had he really been so blind to Souji's problems this whole time that he was lagging behind the rest of the team? And yet a part of him was possessive - Souji was his best friend and came to him first, maybe the rest of them didn't really try to get Souji to open up - but Yosuke stopped himself with a shake of his head. He wasn't being fair to his friends, he knew, so instead of voicing any of his harsh thoughts, he smiled and said,

"I will. Thanks for letting me know in the first place something was wrong."

"I'm sure you noticed on some level, Yosuke-senpai. You're pretty perceptive, especially with people you like. Sometimes you just need a little push," Rise said, and with a final smile and a flourish she was traipsing down the hallway in the direction she had come from. As Yosuke watched her go, puzzling over the hidden meaning of her words he wasn't even sure existed, he almost expected to see Souji coming down the stairs again. It was still early in the lunch period though, unlike the other day, so with a shrug Yosuke headed down the school stairs.

 

The rest of the day was uneventful - Yosuke finished up with school, argued with Chie about something stupid, and then left for work after a quick goodbye to Souji. Work was still as horrible as it always was - double shifts were torture - but Yosuke was looking forward to having the next two days off. _Who knows, maybe I'll even have time to study_ , he thought as he collapsed into bed the moment he got home. As unlikely as his claim may have seemed given his history, Yosuke really did plan on studying for the next few days. Midterms loomed in the future, and Yosuke really really _really_ needed to do well on them if he wanted to actually make it into the next grade. So it was for a completely logical reason that Yosuke grabbed Souji's arm on his way out of the classroom on Saturday and asked if he could go over to Souji's and study. Souji had held the top spot academically in their class for a while now, and it's not like Yosuke was _worried_ or anything at the dark circles that had appeared under Souji's eyes in just one night (when Yosuke asked if Souji had gotten any sleep, Souji just brushed off the question with a hand wave and a "nightmares" but no, Yosuke wasn't worried _at all_ ). 

Luckily for Yosuke and all his reasons - logical or otherwise - Souji agreed easily, and that was how Yosuke found himself at Souji's, decidedly not studying. 

"Partner, do you have any food? Anywhere in here?" Yosuke asked, peering into the barren fridge.

"What do you mean? It looks the same as it always does in there," Souji said. Unlike Yosuke, he was actually attempting to study, sitting at the table in the kitchen with several textbooks open around him. Peering back at him quizzically, Yosuke rolled his eyes before turned his attention back to the sad excuse for a refrigerator.

"'Like it always does' partner there's literally... there's a piece of ham on a plate, some boxes of takeout that should really be thrown out - god how long have you even had these - and... pieces of grass? Why is there grass in your fridge, Souji?" 

Receiving no response, Yosuke grabbed the gross takeout boxes and headed toward the trash. It was only as he was about to drop them in that he felt a frantic hand on his wrist.

"No! I'm saving those!" 

Yosuke really couldn't do anything about the disbelieving squint that adorned his face. He really couldn't.

"Dude. No." 

Yosuke also couldn't do anything about the laugh that slipped out at the actual pained expression Souji wore as the boxes disappeared into the trash can. 

"I'll tell you what. Why don't we go get more takeout for dinner - since you _have no food_ \- and then your hoarding streak can continue, and tomorrow I'll go shopping with you at Junes and we'll use my employee discount."

"I'm not letting you come all the way over here tomorrow just to take me grocery shopping, Yosuke," Souji said, moving back to the table to apparently continue studying. 

"Who said anything about me coming back over here tomorrow?" Yosuke asked, leaning back on the counter.

"You want to meet at Junes or something? Yosuke, I'm not letting you buy me groceries."

"No, partner, I figured I'd..." Yosuke began, pausing to look down at a conveniently-placed loose thread on the hem of his shirt he could focus on. This was his main pitch, and he hoped Souji wouldn't be too upset at Yosuke's probably very obvious manipulation. "I'd just stay over? Again? Also... I kinda told my parents we had a uh... a project, due Monday, and that's why I had to stay over tonight and tomorrow, so we could work on it a-and bring it to school Monday." 

When Yosuke looked up Souji was staring at him. _Well, he doesn't look pissed_. Souji actually seemed vaguely pleased, but the expression he wore had a softness to it that made Yosuke pause. It almost _felt_ familiar, like Yosuke had worn it many times before, like when he was talking to Sa—

"If you wanted to stay over, you could've just asked," Souji said, interrupting Yosuke's thoughts. Yosuke felt his face flare up, and then he was spluttering out denials as Souji laughed lightly at the state he was in. Yosuke had to tear his eyes away from Souji's face because _he looks so nice when he's laughing_ , and Yosuke couldn't take any more stress from embarrassing thoughts after a full day of school. 

"You better let me buy you groceries," Yosuke mumbled once Souji had calmed down and his own face didn't feel like he was shoving it in a fire. 

"Only if you sit down and study for at least a half hour before we go get dinner," Souji countered with, and Yosuke had no reason to refuse. 

 

As they got ready for bed that evening, Yosuke found himself struggling yet again with the sleeping arrangements. _Look_ , he told himself, pointedly ignoring Souji changing into his sleep clothes. _It's not that different from the camping trip. It helps Souji sleep, it helps me sleep, it's not that big of a deal_. But when Yosuke got into the futon, carefully so as not to brush any part of him against any part of Souji, he found himself slowly inching toward the edge until an awake-sounding sigh made him freeze.

"If it bothers you that much I can go pull the sheets off of Dojima's bed," Souji said quietly, sounding somehow both understanding and disappointed all at once. Yosuke was tempted, but the idea of using Dojima's sheets made him uncomfortable, to say the least. And then the guilt hit him - even when he was supposed to be taking care of Souji he was worried about his own shit - and he knew it was over. Letting out a sigh himself he maneuvered over until he was close enough to feel Souji's body heat under the covers. Apparently placated, Souji remained quiet once Yosuke moved, and in several minutes was breathing deeply. Yosuke remained half-awake, staring up at the ceiling and listening to Souji's breaths and the groans of the house around them. Souji shifting drew Yosuke's attention to him, curled up on his side facing the wall.

Even in the dark Yosuke could see the dots of Souji's spine through his sleep shirt, and he felt an overwhelming urge to reach out and place his hand on Souji's back, trace the ridges of his spine, feel the bones and the muscles and the warmth rising off his sleep-heated skin. He wanted the connection, wanted to link them together even for just a moment to reassure himself of the strength of their bond. But his thoughts got away from him before he could act, mixing with darkness and hints of dreams, and he faded off quickly into sleep.

 

There was a mass of heat along Yosuke's left when he woke up, and it took him a few tired blinks before he could make out Souji's form, curled into his side. There was a moment of bone-deep contentment Yosuke experienced before he was panicking, fully awake and aware that his arm was around Souji's shoulders, Souji's head was on his chest, their legs were tangled together and _no no this is bad what am I going to do when he wakes up_. Between the waves of panic that rolled through him, Yosuke spared a moment to glance down at Souji and take in his calm expression. _It helps him sleep. It's just to help him sleep. If it helps him it's okay_. Letting out a long breath, Yosuke tried not to tense too much as he felt Souji stir. Looking back over at him, Yosuke watched Souji blink slowly before meeting Yosuke's eyes, his lips curling up into a lazy smile when he did.

"Morning," Souji whispered, voice heavy with sleep. 

"Morning, partner. Comfortable?" Yosuke asked, trying to keep his voice light and teasing, looking for any sign that Souji was uncomfortable or angry. 

"Mm," was all Yosuke got in response, and then Souji was pulling closer to him, slipping an arm over his chest, and Yosuke was left to struggle with the fondness creeping up like vines inside of him. He chose instead to focus on the open, contented look Souji was wearing, and how much it reminded Yosuke of the cats he saw down at the Samegawa sometimes, warming themselves in the sun. It didn't do much to relieve his internal chaos, and he was about to pull his arm back and try to leap off the futon in as calm a manner as possible when Souji spoke.

"Best sleep I've had in a long time." 

Yosuke stopped breathing. The realization that the statement held true for him, as well, had everything crashing down inside of him. A pool of pleasure at how well Souji fit into his side was welling up from somewhere deep within him, bringing with it a flash of awareness. Coughing awkwardly to stop himself before his mind continued uncovering more, Yosuke mumbled out something about getting up so they could get to Junes before too many housewives show up and said a silent thank you when Souji conceded.

 

As they made their way through Junes, Yosuke pushed down all his worries from earlier. It was easy to get caught up in shopping, and before long he had momentarily forgotten what he had been upset about before. Yosuke was comforted by the normalcy of their interactions, their conversations. It was like nothing had changed. For the most part. If Souji sat closer to him on his bedroom floor while they worked on homework later that day, so what? It was fine, since it was Souji, and Souji usually had good, sensible reasons for doing what he did, (consuming odd foods he probably shouldn't and cat-motivated actions notwithstanding). Yosuke wasn't even sure if Souji _was_ sitting closer than normal, or if Yosuke was just suddenly aware of the closeness. He definitely didn't remember ever being so close to Souji he could see the lighter flecks of grey in his eyes, but it was fine, and really Yosuke wondered why he was even noticing these things at all. Regardless of if he was noticing more or not he was fine with it all, clearly, because if it bothered him it was weird and if it was weird he'd have to evaluate why he liked weird things so he wasn't bothered by it. He even focused more closely on his homework than he had in a while, so it wasn't all bad. Yosuke just continued to ignore, continued to not think, even as Souji made them dinner, even as Yosuke found himself leaning into Souji on the couch as they watched TV that evening and feeling admiration wash over him, even as they both got into Souji's futon that night and Souji curled into Yosuke's side without a second thought. Yosuke didn't think about Souji's hair, or his face, or his eyes, or his hands, or his lips as he said "Goodnight, Yosuke" even if those two words felt more intimate than anything they had done so far. Yosuke simply Did Not Think about anything, and he especially Did Not Think about how, despite it all, he fell asleep quickly, arm around Souji, into a peaceful, deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry for how late this is, school is just throwing me for a loop right now and I'm caught between doubting my own worth and still needing to get schoolwork done so anyway.
> 
> Here's a longer chapter to make up for the wait, and one of my favorites because the dialogue was surprisingly easy to write in certain parts. I hope you enjoy, and thanks to everyone for the comments and kudos and general support, it all means so much!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have the rest of the work done and I'm just posting the last couple chapters all in one go so you guys don't have to wait for me to remember to post individual chapters!
> 
> I'll put more notes at the very end of the entire work but thank you for kudos and bookmarks and comments, I appreciate all of them and take the comments into consideration as much as i can!

For a while after that Sunday, Yosuke's life was routinely normal. He got up, went to school, worked, occasionally studied or did homework, texted Souji, and argued with Teddie or his parents or both. It was a good break for Yosuke's nerves - it was much easier to Not Think when he was busy with routine things - but he still found himself vaguely dulled by it all. Not that he enjoyed being confused and hesitant and upset with himself, but the typical day-to-day motions felt like a cover-up, like he was putting off dealing with something he didn't want to.

Which was ridiculous, Yosuke told himself. It's not like anything weird was going on between him and Souji. Yosuke was just feeling uncomfortable because he hadn't had conformation from Souji that their relationship and everything it encompassed was still normal. And really, Yosuke felt he should've been able to give himself that assurance, but he had threads of doubt he couldn't help but pull when he wasn't keeping busy. So he kept busy, even forcing himself to do homework or study if he felt his mind drift into questionable topics.

In class on a Friday a week or so later, Yosuke was riding high. He had been able to answer Ms. Sofue's question about the Edo period - _without_ Souji's help, for once - because he had actually read his textbook a bit during the past week. His dad had given him the day off, too, and Yosuke was hoping Souji would be free after school to go to Aiya. His previous worries over the situation with Souji were even fading from his mind; Souji had been looking better ever since Nanako was cleared to have visitors earlier in the week, and Yosuke's interactions with him had been reassuringly normal for a while. Yosuke swiftly ignored the fact that 'reassuringly normal' meant something very different to him now than it would have even a month ago, mainly concerning the physical closeness he and Souji still shared. Instead he grouped everything he had been doing and continued to do with Souji into the category of 'normal', and focused on other things. Things like history, for example.

A slight buzzing broke Yosuke from his semi-focused trance about 10 minutes from the end of class. Thinking it was his own phone, Yosuke made to take it out of his bag when, in his periphery, he saw Souji raise his hand and ask to be excused. Yosuke watched his friend disappear through the classroom door, and then proceeded to watch the door for the rest of class intently until Souji walked back through it just as the bell rang. While his classmates around him packed up and chatted lightly about after school plans, Yosuke looked at Souji, searched his face for signs of upset. Souji looked visibly more worn out than he had when he left the classroom, his mouth pinching down into a frown, and Yosuke was about to ask what was wrong when Souji spoke.

"You have today off of work, right?" 

Yosuke merely nodded, and waited as Souji packed up his things with what seemed like slightly less vigor than usual.

"Do you want to come over?"

The question surprised Yosuke, not only for the somewhat hesitant way in which it was asked, but the fact that it was asked at all. Normally if Souji wanted to hang out, he'd approach Yosuke, and then Yosuke himself would have to offer a direct invitation. Shaking his head and telling himself it didn't really matter, Yosuke began to pack up his own things.

"Sure, partner. But can we stop at Aiya on the way? I'm starving," Yosuke replied, pleased when Souji nodded. When his things were put away Yosuke walked out of the classroom with Souji, thoughts of satisfying his hunger and the rest of the day easily overshadowed by his worries about Souji and the phone call. 

 

Despite wanting to enjoy his time with Souji, Yosuke caught himself constantly worrying about him, almost expecting a return of the lost, empty expression. Souji seemed normal - small bright, teasing smiles and flashes of humor in his eyes all consistently present. Still, Yosuke couldn't let go of his concern, and he found himself staring blankly at his textbook open on his lap while Souji worked at his desk. Suddenly overcome with frustration, Yosuke burst out,

"Why did you ask me to come over?"

Souji looked up from his work and over at Yosuke, paused, looked back down at his desk, looked back up at Yosuke, and said,

"Because I wanted you to come over?"

Yosuke was gonna lose it. Clearly Souji didn't understand the significance of his actions, or he was being purposefully dense, and Yosuke didn't know which option he preferred. 

"What about the phone call?! At school, wasn't it news about Nanako?"

"It was Dojima calling to tell me they should be home by Christmas, if all goes well," Souji said, turning back to his work on the desk.

"Dude that's great! But... why'd you look so upset after the call? I figured you needed to talk to someone about this stuff and that's why you invited me over."

Looking back over at Yosuke, Souji wore a blank expression, and Yosuke held his breath. 

"I wasn't upset. I just came back in the classroom and thought, 'I think I'll see if Yosuke wants to come over', so I asked you."

Yosuke had a moment of confusion, wondering if he had misread Souji earlier and was projecting his own worry onto him, before he realized. This was Souji barricading up his feelings. Even from himself. And Yosuke could _tell_. 

"Souji... I think you were."

"What?" 

"I think that call did make you upset - you were happy Nanako is getting better and felt guilty about not just being happy but the whole thing again, right? And now you're trying to play it off as not a big deal."

"Maybe I just didn't want to bother you with things I should be able to deal with now--" Souji began, writing intently on his homework like if he focused enough Yosuke would drop the subject.

"Bother me?! Souji, I'm here to help you. I'm here so you don't have to deal with stuff alone, regardless of if you think you should be able to or not."

"Don't you think I can determine if I can handle something on my own?"

Souji sounded defensive, and his face was a tightly-strained mask of composure on top of irritation when he looked up from his desk. Yosuke tried to stay calm. He never felt like he had helped Souji work through _all_ his worries and stress, but Yosuke liked to think that just by being there for Souji he made a difference. Reminded Souji he wasn't alone, got Souji to open up to _someone_ despite his hesitation; all positive things, as long as Souji cooperated. Yosuke refused to let Souji continue to bottle this up.

"I'm not saying you can't, Souji. I'm just saying I'm here if you need some help. Clearly you know that or you wouldn't have invited me over today. I just wish you would open up and _trust me_ \--".

"Fine. You want me to open up?! Every. Waking. Moment. Every single _fucking_ waking moment I'm thinking about her, feeling guilty that she got involved and angry that my apparent "destiny" is hurting the people I care about. I feel _unbelievably horrible_ that she's hurt, that it's at least partially my fault, that despite all the power I have I'm now powerless to help her. Not only that, but whenever I start thinking about it all I hate myself a little bit more because _I'm_ not the one in the hospital, _I'm_ not the one hurting but I can't even stay positive for her."

When Souji was done the silence that descended on the room was suffocating, and Yosuke could do little more than try to breathe and stare at Souji. Eventually Yosuke cleared his throat, searching his shocked mind for something to say.

"I thought things were getting better?" Yosuke asked, watching as Souji's face darkened with annoyance.

"Why would things be better? Nanako is still--"

"Because I'm here!" 

_Well, shit_. Yosuke knew he had to say something else, reduce the tension or at least do _something_ to get Souji to stop observing him with a dark, incredulous look. 

"I-I mean, once you started opening up you seemed to, I don't know... you seemed better? I just think you need to give yourself a break. It's completely fine that you're upset, and I'm sorry if you think you have to be happy all the time for _anyone_ , because you don't." As Yosuke went on his confidence grew, bolstered by Souji's softening expression. "And... look, as much as you can feel whatever you want for however long you want, you shouldn't carry all the guilt over it yourself. We're a team, you know? Plus, let's be honest, if _anyone_ should be feeling guilty it's Namatame."

Souji just looked at Yosuke with tired eyes before nodding and rubbing a hand down his face, then resting his chin in it.

"I know you're right. It's just hard to believe it sometimes."

"At least you're trying," Yosuke said, relieved that Souji seemed to at least be listening to him, now. "But you should do whatever makes you feel good, or at least what makes you feel _better_ , be it dealing with things on your own or with someone else, as long as you know you always have people who're here for you."

Glancing up at Yosuke with an affectionate smile, Souji asked, "When did you get so smart?", a teasing lilt to his voice, and Yosuke was responding in a similar tone with, "Been spending too much time with you," before he even really caught up with himself.

"Well," Souji said, a focused, oddly-cat like look covering his features. "I don't mind." 

Yosuke just stared at Souji at that, mind trying to keep up with the turn the conversation had taken. 

"Aha, uh, shouldn't we... um, finish this?" Yosuke asked, gesturing to the textbook still splayed on his lap and hoping his hair covered most of the heat in his cheeks. Yosuke thought he caught a coy-looking smirk on Souji's face as he turned back to his own work, but with a breath Yosuke pulled his attention away from any and all confusing events having to do with Souji and instead focused diligently on his textbook.

 

As with the last several visits, Yosuke was spending the night at Souji's, more out of habit than anything by now as much as he tried to convince himself otherwise. It had become such a common event that Yosuke's parents didn't even blink an eye when he told them he was staying over at Souji's (though maybe the improvement in his grades, especially on the last midterm, and the original excuses of 'studying' that Yosuke used had something to do with it). The routine of homework-dinner-relax was familiar for Yosuke already, but he was quickly becoming accustomed to sharing it with Souji, a thought that, when acknowledged, unnerved Yosuke more than even the boundaries that seemed to widen with every moment they spent together. It wasn't the fact that they slept curled up together in the futon that bothered Yosuke anymore, it was the fact that he _enjoyed it_. He enjoyed the warmth, the way he could feel Souji breathe against him, the way Souji looked when he was asleep, the way Souji fit against him. And Yosuke hadn't even been aware of the shift in his feelings, _if there was a shift at all_ he found himself worriedly realizing. 

And it didn't stop there. Yosuke had always been excited whenever he got to hang out with Souji, but his feelings now seemed to be stronger than before, albeit more stable. He got breathless thinking about spending time with Souji, but the infuriatingly confusing thing was he didn't seem to be as jealous whenever Souji hung out with someone else. In the past Yosuke had always felt possessive, like if he didn't fight for Souji's attention he wouldn't get any at all. Now when Souji tells him he has plans after school with Kanji or Chie or Rise, Yosuke doesn't even have to hold back the resentful tone that used to creep into his voice when he says, "Have fun!". 

But by far the most concerning development, the one that Yosuke was considering as he lay in the futon that night, the one he would gladly trade for all of his other confusing desires combined and multiplied by 10, was that he wanted to kiss Souji. He fully realized it when he was in the middle of lightly tracing senseless patterns on Souji's chest, watching in the ambient light as Souji fell asleep. It came about calmly at first - Yosuke's eyes were roaming Souji's face and fixed on his lips, parted slightly in his half-asleep state - and Yosuke was already so close to Souji he found himself leaning in. He paused briefly, tired mind giving one last attempt at coming up with an excuse for his desire, his behavior, and all it could settle on was his conversation just that afternoon with Souji. _Do what makes you feel good..._ was the last thought Yosuke had before his lips were pressing gently against Souji's, his hand sliding up to cup Souji's neck. He broke away quickly, feeling himself warm from embarrassment or affection or _some_ mushy emotion he was too tired to protest against. 

As Yosuke was pulling away he felt Souji shift and then lips were pressing against his again, more insistent this time. Yosuke sighed against Souji's mouth, sleepy brain trying to keep up with his own feelings and what he was supposed to do with his lips or his tongue or his hands. They kissed languidly for a few moments before Yosuke broke away again, managing to get out a broken, "Too tired, partner" before he felt his consciousness drift away as he fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

It took less than a minute for the sleepy, calm way Yosuke felt when he woke up to disintegrate, leaving him completely awake and panicking. A steady stream of curses and self-depreciation ran through his head as he replayed the events, or _event_ , from last night. 

_How could I be so fucking stupid what was I thinking what was he thinking wait did he kiss me back why would he kiss me back maybe he thought I was someone else maybe he was still asleep how could I do that what if he remembers what if he's mad what if that's it what if--_.

"Yosuke?" Souji asked quietly, blinking sleep slowly out of his eyes. Yosuke continued to lay motionless, not even daring to blink for fear of anything triggering Souji's memory. "Are you okay?"

Apparently Yosuke's unmoving, wide-eyed pose wasn't a convincing indicator of a person who _wasn't_ stressing over kissing his best friend only a few hours before. At the concern in Souji's voice, Yosuke shifted his head to look at him, trying to keep calm and not blurt out apology after excuse after apology.

"Y-Yeah! Yeah, partn- _Souji_ , I'm, um, I'm fine."

_Shit shit shit he's gonna remember he's gonna know and push me out of the bed and he's never going to talk to me again and I'll lose all my friends and--_

"Alright. Shouldn't we get ready for school?" Souji asked, still looking concerned but also like he was willing to let whatever was bothering Yosuke be brought up whenever Yosuke wanted to talk about it. Yosuke loved him for that and-

_What the fuck?!_

Wordlessly Yosuke got out of the futon and made his way through the regular morning activities. Throughout all of them his mind was preoccupied with thoughts of Souji and confusing feelings, of what they'd been inching toward with every hour spent together, it seemed. Yosuke's stomach was in knots because he didn't know what this meant for his relationship, his _friendship_ , with Souji, and he didn't know what to do. The last thing he wanted was to lose Souji's trust or admiration. _At least Souji doesn't seem to remember_ , Yosuke thought, taking comfort in that little victory. Souji hadn't said one word about the kiss, hadn't treated Yosuke any differently as they got ready for school, was as composed and _normal_ as usual. Yosuke was actually starting to allow himself to feel a little relief - as long as it was just his confusing feelings he had to deal with, not Souji's reaction to them, he would be fine. As Yosuke was thinking this while heading out the door, Souji behind him per usual, he felt a hand on his arm. Turning to look at Souji, he didn't even have time to blink before Souji's hands were around his neck, pulling him in. Their lips met with a surprising intensity, and Yosuke felt himself shift closer to Souji unconsciously, hands gripping into his white uniform shirt. The kiss was over quickly, but when Souji pulled away Yosuke found he had trouble breathing.

Taking in Yosuke's stunned expression, concern clouded Souji's eyes.

"Was that okay?" he asked, starting to pull away from Yosuke. 

"Y-Yes!" Yosuke blurted out. Confusion and panic was still flowing through him, capped by the recent event. He didn't know how to proceed, but he really didn't want to worry about what he liked or didn't like this early in the morning.

"Are you sure? Because if I do something you're not comfortable with you should tell me." Souji looked very worried, and his expression only added to the pressure Yosuke felt to appear at ease. Closing his eyes and letting out a quick breath, Yosuke tried to quiet his thoughts.

"Yeah, partner, I'm fine. You just caught me off guard."

Souji didn't look convinced in the slightest. He really looked like he wanted to have an in-depth conversation regarding Yosuke's opinion of everything they had been doing, but Yosuke wasn't in a position to sort out anything having to do with the swell of fondness he felt any time he thought of Souji. Also, they still had to get to school. Saying as much, along with a final, "Don't worry about me, Souji. Everything's fine," Yosuke headed out the door and into the frigid winter air.

 

The school day was a disaster. Yosuke was too stunned and disoriented to focus on anyone or anything, let alone lessons that usually bored him to sleep. His mind was caught in a cycle of thinking about how he felt, how Souji possibly felt, what had happened, and what Yosuke _wanted_ to happen (that last one was pushed down and passed over as much as Yosuke could; kissing was one thing, boners were another, and Yosuke was having a hard enough time appearing normal today as it was). So when Souji turned to him after school and said, "Hey Yosuke, if you're free tomorrow I was thinking we could go to Okina and see a movie?" Yosuke merely looked up from his half-packed bag uncomprehendingly before distractedly saying, "Sure, sounds good," because whatever it was Souji was asking him to do he'd probably agree to regardless. _I'd probably kill someone if I thought that's what Souji would want_ , Yosuke thought, sending himself into another spiral of confusion and panic as Souji smiled and said something about meeting at a train station and that he had to go. It was only as Yosuke was walking home that he stopped dead in the middle of the street, hit with the confusing thoughts of _Did Souji just ask me out on a_ date _?_

With the awareness of the impending "date", though, came thoughts of visits in the past to Okina with Souji that Yosuke enjoyed, how _those_ instances were clearly not dates so why would this time be any different? Yosuke really didn't want to be the one to make things awkward by bringing it all up, and part of him honestly _was_ excited to spend time with Souji tomorrow. Sighing, Yosuke continued his trek home and made a decision. He'd go on the "date" - which probably wasn't even a real date, Souji would've called it that if he wanted it to be that, right? - treating it like any normal Sunday with his best friend, and he'd put the kissing thing into his pile of 'confusing-but-nice' things that were pretty much exclusively reserved for Souji, now. 

 

Despite his concern, Yosuke enjoyed his time with Souji the next day. He managed to make it to the train station on time, and allowed the affection he felt at seeing Souji rush through him. The ride to Okina was a blur, filled with familiar casual conversation and teasing. He and Souji picked some ridiculous action film to watch, and Yosuke hardly remembered the name of the movie, let alone the plot. What filled his memories on his walk back home from the station was the commentary Souji had whispered into his ear that made him laugh so hard he got shushed by other movie-goers. And Yosuke _certainly_ remembered kissing Souji at the train station back in Inaba before they went their separate ways. He remembered how warm and nice it felt in the cold early-December air and the way Souji looked at him when he said, "I had a great time today," in a pleased, happy way. As Yosuke walked home, he realized the statement held true for him, too, and found that he had practically forgotten his worries from earlier. Yosuke allowed himself some hope that things would go smoothly for a while, both in his regular life and in the TV world.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More plot-centric stuff woooooo~~  
> (fear not, there's a bit of fluff at the end :)
> 
> [This is a really long chapter, I apologize, I might split it up into two if I come back and still want to].

It only took a day for everything to go to shit.

 

Yosuke was at Junes with everyone after a blissfully-regular and unconfusing day at school, shopping for a new kotatsu for Nanako to enjoy when she came home, when Souji got a call on his cellphone. The call was quick, and Souji didn't even say anything before he was ending the call and slipping the phone back into his pocket. Souji looked visibly shaken while he put his phone away, and as everyone waited Yosuke could swear they were all holding their breaths.

"That was Adachi," Souji said, voice quivering like he was trying to keep it calm. "Nanako's... Nanako's condition has worsened suddenly." 

As soon as Yosuke got over the shock that seemed to have gripped everyone, he was yelling out a, "C-C'mon, let's go!" before rushing with everyone toward the store exit. 

 

The hospital was loud. Yosuke was used to the normal hospital sounds, having visited Nanako several times with everyone, but today there was a constant stream of cries from citizens concerned over the effects of the fog. It would've been annoying on a normal visit, but with the circumstances as they were, Yosuke was livid. Dojima was arguing with the doctor - who claimed all he could do was monitor Nanako's condition for the time being to the disbelief and anger of everyone - and Yosuke was caught between watching Nanako and watching Souji watch Nanako, neither sight providing him with much of anything. Nanako lay motionless in the bed, the only indication that she was sleeping and not... _not_ sleeping, was the miniscule rise and fall of her chest. And Souji looked pale and stricken, his hands gripping the grey-green metal handle of the bed so hard his knuckles turned white. Eventually they were all ushured out of the hospital room, Dojima included, and as they stood waiting in the hallway Yosuke felt his rage boiling over. Turning to Teddie standing next to him he said,

"Hey! Can't you do something!?", trying and failing to keep the anger out of his voice. "This all has to do with the world you came from! Can't you figure something out?" 

"I'm thinking... I'm thinking, but..." Teddie said, glancing down at the hallway floor, wearing an ashamed expression.

 _A lot of help he's been_ , Yosuke thought, irritation palpable. He was going to continue, push Teddie a little more to remember _anything_ that might help Nanako, when Kanji spoke up.

"Dammit! Why does this have to happen to a little girl like her...!?"

It was clear everyone agreed with both the statement and the outrage, how could they not, but when Souji said,

"I can't forgive this," his voice full of cold malice and fury, the blatant display of barely-contained anger was still surprising to Yosuke.

"Nanako-chan's gonna be okay... right?" Chie asked after a moment, uncharacteristically quiet, just as Adachi rounded a corner and walked up to their group.

"You guys still here?" he asked, then proceeding to give them an update about Dojima - his wounds opened up again, and were being treated as they spoke - but Yosuke was only really concerned with one thing.

"Any luck with your investigation on Namatame...?" Yosuke asked, his mood worsening at the flustered look Adachi gave him in response.

"U-Um... About that... I won't mince words here. We're gonna have a hard time making these charges stick."

Yosuke had been worried about this, about Namatame escaping punishment on a mental illness defense because of the unexplainable way the murders had occurred, but part of him had believed there was at least a small chance Namatame would be charged with something.

"I talked with the guys at the station, and it'll be next to impossible to find him guilty in court. He had an alibi that originally got him off our suspects list, plus with the whole angle about him putting people into TVs, none of it will stand up in court. What the public wants is when, where, and how Namatame killed these people, and Dojima-san knows it," Adachi continued, further depressing everyone's spirits. Then, with a grunt, Kanji was pushing off from the wall he was leaning against and walking over to stare down Adachi.

"Well, ain't you calm about this."

"I-I'm just telling you the truth--"

"And you call yourself a cop!? Huh!?" Kanji yelled, grabbing Adachi by his collar and holding him off the ground several inches. "If you wanna see that stuff so bad, we'll show you! Hurry up and bring a TV here, dammit!" 

As much as Yosuke appreciated the terrified look on Adachi's face, he didn't _really_ want Kanji to get arrested, but right as he started to speak up a nurse ran out of Nanako's room, asking for Souji to come in and talk to Nanako. Souji quickly disappeared into the hospital room, the rest of them left to gather outside the door and try to see through the thin window. It was impossible to see more than the doctor, nurse, and Souji gathered around the hospital bed, and eventually they all gave up and went to sit on the dark benches again and wait. Dojima, supported by a nurse, came by a little later and disappeared into the room, but when Yosuke heard Dojima yell Nanako's name, he made a decision. Rushing into the hospital room, followed quickly by his friends, Yosuke froze when he reached the edge of Nanako's hospital bed. Dojima was on his knees at the foot of the bed, head hanging down, Souji was crouched along the side with his head resting near Nanako's small one, and the only sound for a moment was the horrible flat-lining of Nanako's heartrate monitor. 

"No!" Chie cried out, breaking down into tears, followed immediately by Yukiko. Yosuke felt tears start to leak out of his own eyes, anger and frustration and sadness mixing around inside him. It was incomprehensible to him that Nanako, sweet, wonderful, like-a-sister-to-him Nanako, was gone. Forever. Yosuke stood, staring down at Nanako's prone form shadowed by Souji's hunched, shaking one, as his friends cried around him and slowly made their way back out into the hall, as Dojima got up from the floor and followed the doctor out. He stood and stared at her and felt pure rage inside of him for what Namatame did, only broken from his trance when he heard Rise calling for Souji. He exited the hospital room just as she began to speak.

"Dojima-san might've gone after Namatame! Adachi-san said he was admitted to this hospital!" 

"You transported him to the same hospital?! For crying out loud, he's the suspect in the case!" Yosuke yelled, furious.

"Wh-What are you getting mad at me for? This is the biggest hospital in the area, and he's in no condition to be moved..." Adachi said, looking sheepish and intimidated, probably because Kanji was standing near and glaring at him. 

"Where is his room?" Souji asked, his voice dark.

"I-I can't tell you that--" Adachi began, but then Kanji stepped closer to him.

"Just tell us where he is already! Dojima-san's on his way, ain't he? You don't know what he's gonna do there if we don't stop him!" 

Yosuke knew what _he'd_ do if he were in Dojima-san's place, he just hoped they'd get there in time to see Namatame get what he deserved.

"T-top floor in the second surgical ward, furthest room back, b-but there's a police guard..." Adachi said, conceding surprisingly easily to Kanji's techniques. Yosuke pushed all thoughts out of his mind, however, as he rushed upstairs with his friends. 

 

They reached the room just as Dojima was being detained by the guards, both of who were needed to keep Dojima from running. As the guards and Dojima disappeared around a corner and back toward the direction of the elevator, a thump sounded from Namatame's room. Rushing in with everyone, Yosuke was only mildly astonished to see the window in the room wide open and Namatame splayed on the floor in front of it.

"What are you doing?" Souji asked, walking over to stand near Namatame.

"I-I was scared... So I... I..."

"You have your life, and now you want your freedom, too!?" Yosuke yelled. It made perfect sense that the man who was responsible for so many deaths was a horrible person, but Yosuke didn't expect him to be a weak coward. 

"It's your fault that Nanako-chan's...!" Chie cried out, her voice cracking with emotion. He began to mumble out an excuse when a flickering started from the TV.

"Is it--" Rise asked as the small clock in the room chimed midnight. Then the picture was clearing, revealing Namatame's shadow in his deliveryman garb. The shadow spoke words of malice, about how he failed to save Nanako because they all got in his way, how the law couldn't touch him and he'd continue his mission of "saving" people. The real Namatame protested weakly from the floor, objecting to the claims of his shadow like Yosuke remembered all of them doing. 

"P-Please stop..." 

"He wants us to stop. What should we do?" Yosuke asked the group, hatred laced through his words.

"We can't let this bastard do whatever he pleases," Kanji said, walking over to grab harshly at Namatame's arm and jerk him slightly off the floor.

"This must be a luxury suite," Naoto began, stepping closer to Namatame as well, voice cold and calculating. "Most hospital wards don't have such large televisions. Why, with something like this in the room, this man could escape at any time... Although, once he enters, he may find there's no way out..."

Protests from Rise and Chie rose immediately, and as Kanji argued with them Yosuke glanced over at Souji. He thought about the guilt that had plagued Souji for so long because of what Namatame did, and how that guilt would only worsen now if Namatame wasn't brought to justice. He thought of Saki-senpai, and Nanako, and all his friends whose lives had been put in danger because of this man. If what Adachi said was true, then this was their only chance to punish Namatame the way he deserved.

"Everyone, listen to me," Yosuke said, walking over to stand next to Kanji, who still had Namatame in a vice-like grip. "If we're gonna do this, now is our only shot. We won't get a second chance. At this rate, the guy's gonna get off the hook, and he'll go around "saving" people again! If that happens, who knows how many innocent people will die? We can't let something like that go on."

"B-But... Yosuke..." Chie began, but Yosuke continued, taking in the mix of hesitation and dark determination on his friends' faces.

"All we have to do is push him inside the TV. That's it. We do that one thing, and this is all over. And if any of you want no part in this, just leave the room. As for me, nothing could make me forgive this bastard. But before we do..." Here Yosuke paused, turning to look at Souji who had a distant, though focused, look on his face, "I want to hear what you think. What do you want to do, Souji?"

Hearing his name Souji looked over, his eyes flickering first down to Namatame cowering on the ground and then around the room to take in the faces of his friends before settling on Yosuke's face. With a cautious look in his eye, Souji said,

"Wait a second. We're missing something."

"We don't have time to wait! If we don't do this now, the cops'll come back! What don't we know!?" Yosuke asked, beginning to lose his patience. He figured Souji would be the most on-board with the whole plan, and had asked for his input more to get Chie and Rise and Yukiko to let up on their protests. 

"Namatame's true feelings..."

"But we just heard the guy's true feelings on TV!" Yosuke yelled. "What didn't you understand!?"

"Something's still bothering me... We're missing something..." Souji said, and Yosuke wanted to scream, he really did, because at this point it seemed like Souji was just saying the same things over and over again, and Yosuke was painfully aware of the police officers who were sure to return at any second.

"Are you even getting at something here, or are you just stalling? You know what, I've heard enough of this bullshit. Give me a straight answer! Are we doing this or not!? That's all I give a damn about right now!"

"Calm the hell down!" Souji screamed, silencing everyone and shocking Yosuke to his core. Souji looked angry but calm, in contrast to the maelstrom Yosuke felt inside of him that he was sure was showing on his face. 

"H-He's right. L-Let's all calm down for a second," Yukiko said, voice shaking. Collectively everyone seemed to breathe together and regain their composure a bit.

"You're right..." Naoto began, "We should think rationally about this. I realize now that we've heard almost nothing from Namatame's perspective. There's no denying that this man brought great harm to Nanako-chan... but other than that point, the rest comes from our assumptions based on watching the Midnight Channel a moment ago."

"But the guy's not saying anything. Whatever the reason he had, there's no doubt about the fact that he'd been throwing people inside the TV. How can we possibly understand someone who says killing people is the same as "saving them"?" Yosuke asked, not willing to give up quite yet.

"Failing to understand and failing to listen are rather different things," Naoto said, and Yosuke just looked at her, waiting for the inevitable genius explination she'd give. "Truthfully, not all the hitches that were nagging at me have been answered yet. We'll have to see what he can tell us about them, though it appears he's in no condition to do so at the moment."

It was true - Namatame was still in a heap on the hospital room floor, head shaking back and forth, hands covering his ears. With a sigh of acceptance Yosuke spoke.

"Yeah, dealing with him right now might not solve all the things that are bothering us. _Dammit_. But I'll do everything I can to stop him from repeating what he's done. Anytime, anywhere, anything."

"I feel the same way," Souji said, placing a gentle hand on Yosuke's shoulder. "Let's just think this through for now." 

_I'm surprised he can stay so calm_ , Yosuke thought, though up close he could see faint lines of worry etched into Souji's face.

 

It wasn't until later - after they had left Namatame's room, fruitlessly tried to piece together an explanation for the parts of the case that remained unclear, and were then called into Nanako's hospital room to find that she had made a miraculous recovery - that Yosuke realized Teddie wasn't with them. Despite searching around the hospital he was nowhere to be found, and Yosuke couldn't reach him on his cellphone.

"Let's meet up at the special headquarters tomorrow. I'm gonna hurry home, just in case Ted went back by himself," Yosuke said, still watching his phone for any sign of a call from Teddie and heading off in the direction of his house. 

As everyone said their goodbyes and drifted off into the foggy streets, Yosuke tried Teddie's cellphone unsuccessfully once more. Sighing and running a hand through his hair, Yosuke paused, turned to look back toward the hospital in the fog and then, moving on instinct, walked back toward it. As he neared the hospital a lone figure standing outside grew clearer, and before long Yosuke could make out Souji, looking up at the foggy night sky. Moving silently to stand next to him, Yosuke let the days events and the fatigue that came with them wash over him, and welcomed Souji when he leaned into his chest and cried. Yosuke could feel Souji shaking against him, but he stood and tried to remain strong and calm for the both of them. Eventually Souji quieted, and he pulled himself up to wrap his arms around Yosuke in a hug.

"Did I do the right thing?" Souji asked quietly, sound muffled by Yosuke's shoulder. Yosuke ran a hand up Souji's back, thinking about his response a while before answering.

"Yeah. We can't kill someone just because of what they... of what we _think_ they did. There's still so much we don't know."

Yosuke's own words brought a flood of memories of earlier that night, how incensed he had been and how quickly everything had been moving, too fast for him to even consider if his actions were good. Gritting his teeth, Yosuke pushed through his guilt and pulled back from Souji to look at him.

"I'm so sorry Souji. I almost... almost _killed_ someone. I was so angry and so sure it was the right thing to do. If you hadn't been there..." Yosuke said, words trailing off as he hung his head. 

"Hey," Souji said, bringing a hand up to cup the back of Yosuke's neck and twine in his hair. "It's alright. Everyone was panicking and we were all trying to make a huge decision we shouldn't have been making at all. I know you were trying to do the right thing."

"Thanks, partner," Yosuke said, glancing up and feeling gratitude and admiration at the open look of forgiveness on Souji's face. There was fatigue there too, though, and it reminded Yosuke of his own overwhelming desire to collapse into his bed and sleep for at least 2 years. "Well... I should probably head home and see if Ted is there." 

Souji merely nodded with a smile, saying goodnight before turning to head to his own home. Yosuke felt a pang of regret that he couldn't be with Souji tonight, because of all the nights he had slept over tonight was probably one of the most important. Watching Souji's figure retreat into the fog, Yosuke had a surge of desire to let Souji know he was there for him even if he couldn't be there for him all the time. Before he could overthink he was rushing through the fog, calling Souji's name. Souji looked behind him, concern covering his face. Then Yosuke was in front of him, pausing for only a moment to catch his breath, before taking Souji's face in his hands and pressing their lips together. Yosuke tried to infuse the kiss with all the reassurance and comfort he could, hoping to give Souji even a fraction of the support Souji had given him over the months. He felt Souji relax into the kiss after his initial shock, and the pressure of Souji's lips moving against his own had his body warming. His thumbs rubbed gently across Souji's cheeks, cold with the winter chill but surprisingly smooth, and Yosuke pressed himself closer to Souji. When he felt Souji moan against his mouth Yosuke pulled back, remembering the time and the place, feeling grateful for the cold for once.

"I, uh, I should really get home," Yosuke said, not actually stepping away from Souji at all despite his protests.

"Yeah," was all Souji said in response, leaning over and pressing a kiss to Yosuke's cheek before shooting him a tired, albeit warm, smile and heading off into the fog again. Yosuke stood on his own in the street for too long of a moment, thoughts frozen, before he forced himself to head home.


	9. Chapter 9

Either Yosuke's recovery time for both traumatizing and confusing experiences was improving, or he was just past the point of giving a damn about anything, because the next day at Aiya with the group he was feeling surprisingly normal. Maybe it was the fact that they were all gathered together and determined to figure out the _true_ culprit, as speaking with Namatame earlier that morning at the hospital had led them to do, and Yosuke could sense the true end of it all approaching. Regardless, as they all tossed theories around Yosuke was focused, trying to come up with any realistic possibilities and having about as much luck as everyone else. Frustration was growing throughout the group, and when Souji and Naoto went outside to get some air Yosuke joined them.

 

Compared to the warmth of Aiya, it felt about -2000 degrees outside, and Yosuke quickly moved to brace himself behind Souji, leaning into the warmth of his back. Souji only tilted back slightly into Yosuke in response, clearly lost in thought. After a few minutes of silence, however, Souji looked up into the foggy, snowy sky, and said,

"Adachi."

"Detective Adachi... A member of the police force... That is an interesting approach. It would certainly explain the lack of witness reports," Naoto responded, calculating expression on her face.

"But... we're talking about Adachi here, right? He's your textbook lousy detective," Yosuke said. He hesitated to protest and shut down any new leads, but he also knew from recent experience that bringing up objections wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

"He could use his position to his advantage and hide critical information," Naoto said, turning to look over at the two boys.

"Right. This is a small town, so everyone must've known who he is. And since he's a detective, people definitely wouldn't have thought of him as suspicious... If you think of it that way, I guess it's possible," Yosuke added.

Just as Naoto was about to say something more she sneezed, and, reminded of the cold, Yosuke urged that they go back into Aiya and share their suspicions with everone. Inside with the rest of the group the evidence that Adachi might be the true killer only grew, and within a short time everyone was rushing to the hospital to intercept Adachi who was preparing for Namatame's relocation. 

 

 _Of course_ Adachi would escape into the TV world when the truth came out, but Yosuke was comforted by the fact that at least they knew the truth now. They'd just have to do what they had done several times before - enter the TV world, find the dungeon, fight to the 'boss' shadow, and defeat it. Yosuke told himself they were prepared, but it didn't make him look forward to the ordeal any more. Maybe at first he felt a rush of adrenaline whenever he thought about fighting monsters in the TV world, actually saving people and being important, but now the task weighed heavily on his mind, and he knew the same was true for the rest of his friends, Souji especially. There was still the matter of Teddie, too, who remained missing and served as another source of stress. So when Rise was unable to locate Adachi in the TV world and their whole team decided to break for the day at Junes, Yosuke found himself somewhat relieved. He knew they'd find Adachi soon, despite Rise's self-deprecating statements about her own abilities, and was just about to say so when Rise leapt up from her seat beside him.

"Teddie!?"

Looking in the direction of the store entrance, Yosuke could see a suspiciously Teddie-shaped figure approaching their table. In a moment he reached where they all were sitting, and stood looking as abashed as the costume allowed him to look.

"Y-Y-You little... Where the hell were you!?" Yosuke asked, staring hard at Teddie.

"I-I'm sorry..." Teddie said, surprisingly somber-sounding. "I figured out a lot of things... Stuff about me, and that world. I wanted to tell you all..."

Teddie's confession about being a shadow wasn't all that surprising, to Yosuke, and the bear was clearly more worried about how everyone would take the news than he needed to be. 

"It's true that you may have been born a shadow, but you now possess the power of Persona. A Shadow is suppressed power, and once controlled by the ego, it becomes a Persona. Doesn't it follow, then, that you must have developed an ego? Whether the ego masters its Shadow, or the Shadow awakens to its ego, the only difference I see is the order in which the process occurred," Naoto said, smiling slightly at Teddie.

"Oh! Teddie's practically human, then," Chie added, to which Teddie gasped.

"I-I'm... the same as humans...?"

"You keep trying to figure out who you are, just like all of us here. And the rest of us were pretty much a group of misfits to begin with too, right? You fit right in, man," Yosuke said, watching fondly as Teddie burst into tears and cries of "I-I'm so glad I met you guys...". It was only the sound of Naoto clearing her throat that clued Yosuke in on the error in his attempt at a reassuring message.

"I beg your pardon? Who are you calling a misfit?" Naoto asked, mouth pulled down into a frown.

"Isn't that just you, Senpai?" Rise continued, frightening smile on her face.

With an awkward laugh Yosuke racked his brain for something to distract the girls from his mistake, deciding that bringing Teddie into the loop on the case was the safest way to change the course of the conversation.

"Eheh...so, Ted! While you were gone, we figured out who murdered the announcer and Senpai. It was Adachi."

Luckily Teddie took the bait, and Yosuke let out a relieved breath as Teddie said, "Adachi!? That total goofball? Whoa, I didn't notice at all. Looks like I'm pretty blind to that sorta thing."

"We were hoping you could help us find him in the TV world," Yukiko said, looking optimistic.

"You all know him... If you can't find someone like that, I don't know if I can help you..." Teddie began, but then Kanji was speaking up.

"The main thing is, it's hard to get pumped about this without someone nice 'n fuzzy around."

Yosuke rolled his eyes at Kanji's comment, but it seemed to do the trick, as Teddie brightened a bit.

"O-Okay... Thanks guys. It's been a while, but I'll do my best to look for him too!"

Despite his fatigue from earlier, Yosuke found his energy renewed now that they had another plan. The return of Teddie, too, brightened Yosuke's spirits; he missed the bear more than he expected to. As the conversation devolved into lighter topics, Yosuke turned to Teddie.

"Y'know... I missed you, you stupid bear."

"Aww, Yosuke! I missed you too!" Teddie cried, latching onto Yosuke's side.

"Gah! Get off me, you're gonna make me fall..." Yosuke said, trying to stay on the picnic table bench and unattach Teddie from his side. Thankfully the bear let go, and Yosuke expected him to rush over and bother Yukiko or Rise. Instead Teddie ran up to Souji, who had been watching the whole exchange with warm eyes, and gripped onto him.

"Sensei! I saw how you were looking over at me and Yosuke just now," Teddie said, voice mischievous. The words made Yosuke's breath catch in his throat - there was no way Teddie _knew_ , right? Not that there was anything to know, anyway. "Don't feel bad! I missed you too, probably even more than Yosuke, since you actually spend time with me." 

Yosuke's relief was quickly overwhelmed by his annoyance at the way Teddie was smirking at him.

"I spend time with you! You live at my house for crying out loud!"

"But you're never home!" Teddie whined. "You spend all your time at Sensei's now. You even sleep over there!"

Yosuke felt, more than heard, the silence descend on the table. Everyone was pretty used to tuning out his fights with Teddie, as common as they were, but apparently everyone had decided that _now_ of all times would be a perfect time to pay attention. 

_My life is a joke_ , Yosuke thought, feeling his face flush. Mouth agape, Yosuke's eyes flicked to Souji, looking as composed as usual except for a bit of humor in the upward twist of his lips. Realizing where he was looking, Yosuke blinked quickly, running his hands through his hair a couple times.

"Ah-a, wh-what? I... I don't..." he began, trying to look for some way to stop this trainwreck of a conversation.

"Aww, that's awfully nice of you Yosuke-senpai, to take care of-" Rise began, and Yosuke was reminded of their conversations in the hallway and the things Rise could reveal, the disaster she could rain down on him if she so chose.

"I-it's... homework! We... do a lot of homework together. I mean you guys know how smart Souji is and if I want to get into a good college in the city I might as well start working on my grades now! Aha..." Yosuke said, trying to keep his voice calm and hoping his excuse was believable enough to get everyone to drop the subject. Yosuke had no such luck, though, per usual.

"Although just doing homework wouldn't require staying the night, Yosuke-senpai" Naoto said, and Yosuke wanted to go back and time and smack himself for that stupid misfits comment because now he had the last two girls anyone would want on their bad side on his bad side and he was paying for it.

"Jeeze why are you guys on my case! There's nothing wrong sleeping over at your best friend's house... several times a week," Yosuke said, cringing at the stupidity flowing out of his mouth.

"Souji why don't you set us straight - whatd'ya guys do when Yosuke spends the night?" Chie asked, smiling at Souji brightly but side-eyeing Yosuke like she'd been waiting for an opportunity for revenge like this since they'd met. She probably had, Yosuke figured, remembering various comments toward her that probably weren't the nicest things he could've said. He really needed to not open his mouth so much. 

Yosuke's last hope rested on Souji, now. Maybe Souji, with his calm demeanor and uncomplicated phrasing, would set everyone straight, dispel possible rumors that were bubbling up. 

"It's an empty house. He comes over so we can-"

"Talk! So we can _talk_!" Yosuke yelled, panicking and feeling somewhat miffed at Souji who was now trying to hold back a laugh. "A-and... uh..."

"Do homework?" Naoto asked, laughter seeping into her voice as well. With a groan Yosuke smacked his face down onto the table top and listened to everyone burst into laughter. 

"I hate you guys," Yosuke mumbled, face pressed into the old wood. He waited until everyone had calmed down before lifting his face off the table to glare, individually, at everyone, ending on Souji. " _Especially_ you." 

Souji merely let out a snort and smiled affectionately at Yosuke. 

"Well," Chie said, standing up and bracing herself on the picnic table. "On that note, I need to get home. See ya tomorrow, guys!" Yosuke was immensely grateful for Chie in that moment, because Yukiko quickly followed her and from there everyone else said their goodbyes and dispersed until only Teddie, Souji, and he remained. Yosuke was about to say a semi-awkward goodbye to Souji and head home with Teddie when Souji stopped him.

"Do you want to sleep over?" 

Yosuke wondered for a moment if something was wrong, if he had missed something else and Souji needed support, but Souji looked fine. Shrugging at his own confusion, Yosuke turned to glance at Teddie and asked,

"You okay to go home on your own?"

Teddie nodded, said a, "Have fun with Sensei!", and walked off toward the store entrance as Yosuke turned to look back at Souji. He held his questions in until they were walking toward Souji's house, the fog in the streets cloying around them. Yosuke hated to sound like a broken record, but he needed to know the purpose of this invitation, too.

"So... why'd you invite me over?"

Looking at Yosuke quizzically, Souji smiled.

"Can't I want to spend time with you?" 

Yosuke found he didn't know what to say to that, and looked out into the endless fog instead of responding. Eventually, Souji continued.

"We're going into the TV world tomorrow to train for what will probably be the last hurrah. We need to be at our strongest. So if there's anything that's been bothering you, or that you've been... _pushing down_ , now would be the time to sort it out. Our powers in the TV world are based around our understanding and acceptance of ourselves, and I don't know what would happen if that broke down. What I do know is we can't afford to have one of our best fighters incapacitated in any way."

Souji's words left Yosuke more speechless than before, the only coherent thought in his head _I don't want to deal with this_.

"What would be bothering me?" Yosuke asked, voice coming out surprisingly stable. 

Sighing, Souji said, "We haven't really talked about this," before holding up their entwined hands. Yosuke refrained from wrenching his hand away, screaming out "What the fuck!?", running away, and probably irreparably damaging his relationship with Souji. It wasn't even his first instinct, anymore, just a train of thought that ran through his head under the heading, "Ways the Old Me Would've Dealt With Things Like This". Despite Yosuke's earlier desire to _not_ have this conversation, he was tired. Tired of denials and confusion and stress, tired of probably making things more difficult for Souji too, the last person on Earth who deserved it. Running his free hand over his face, Yosuke glanced over at Souji, meeting his eyes.

"I don't know..."

"You don't know? What do you mean you--"

"God, Souji, I mean I don't _fucking_ know! Okay?! What do you want me to say? I'm so goddamn confused about everything, about what's right and what's wrong and what I'm supposed to do..." Yosuke let his words hang, trail off, unsure of how to even begin to proceed.

"I don't think there is a 'right' or a 'wrong' here," Souji said quietly, squeezing Yosuke's hand in a comforting way. Yosuke felt hollow, weightless, like a strong enough breeze would disintegrate him, turn him into fog. 

"Yosuke..." Souji began, sounding upset, sounding heartbroken and worried and it made Yosuke _furious_.

"No! I don't want your... your _pity_ , I shouldn't need your help through this, god I'm such an idiot how did I even let any of this happen..." Yosuke stopped, then, in the middle of the street, staring at the ground in surrender. 

"You of all people should know it's okay to need help," Souji said, thumb rubbing idly over the back of Yosuke's hand. "You're not any less of a person because you're struggling."

Yosuke listened to Souji, let his words fill him up and tried his hardest to believe him. The last thing Yosuke wanted was a relapse to when he was so sure Souji thought he was weak, to when he himself was jealous of Souji for his entire _being_ , for the perfection Yosuke thought he embodied. But Souji wasn't perfect, and neither was Yosuke, and in that moment it hit him. Both he and Souji knew that, were aware of each other's imperfections and weaknesses, and it was _okay_. 

"I really... don't know what to do," Yosuke said finally.

"You don't have to figure it all out right now. You just have to accept your feelings as a part of yourself," Souji said. He was looking imploringly at Yosuke, but also a little desperately, like it wasn't just about Yosuke's admittance of his own feelings so his persona was strong. So Yosuke thought about everything Souji brought to his life, the experiences they shared and how Yosuke grew as a person just from interacting with him. He thought about all that Souji had been through, how good of a person he was, how much he deserved. And he deserved the truth, Yosuke knew, no matter how scared it made Yosuke. And it made him _terrified_. But he knew, with Souji there, he could figure it all out. _They_ could figure it all out. 

So with the beginnings of a hopeful smile, Yosuke took a breath and said, 

"I like you so much, Souji." 

Souji's smile in response was relieved and happy and _beautiful_ , and Yosuke knew, when Souji said, "I like you, too. A whole lot" that his own smile was just as big.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this has been quite the journey! Thank you for everyone who read and left comments and bookmarks and kudos, it all means the world to me!
> 
> I guess I wanted to just leave as a final note an explanation for what I had hoped to accomplish with this (I'll leave it up to all of you if I actually managed to do so). I was really interested in a plausible way in which Yosuke and Souji could actually deepen their relationship during Souji's year in Inaba, and the first thing I thought of when playing out the possibilities was that even with Yosuke's full route completed, he still doesn't appear to have a grasp of Souji as a real person. There's the constraints of the game, for one thing, that leave Souji's character somewhat ambiguous, and there could be off-scene interactions between them. But for the most part, the canon of the game left more (imo) to be desired for their relationship. P4A provided a little bit more in that area, which was why I borrowed the _wonderful_ scene outside the hospital. It just spoke volumes to me that Yosuke came back and comforted Souji in a really... idk, just in a really chill way. It showed that Yosuke understood that Souji wasn't perfect, but that he didn't condemn him for it, either.
> 
> I also wanted to tie in some light romantic feelings, but that's mostly because I'm a sap for that kind of stuff. When you bring romance into this paring, though, there is of course always the struggle of maintaining their balance. Yosuke has his issues, and it's usually too easy to have Souji appear like this put-together guy who is super confident and who kind of steamrollers over Yosuke's hesitancy. I was going more for: Souji likes Yosuke and wants to spend time with him and do stuff with him, but is aware that Yosuke is somewhat uncomfortable. And of course he doesn't want to do anything way over the line but he also sort of underestimates Yosuke's worry their relationship at first (I think he would be confused because Yosuke vacillates between uncertain reciprocation and assured initiation of things that extend past traditional friendship boundaries). This can be attributed to Yosuke, too, wanting to seem as confident and chill as Souji and so doing his best to seem normal. 
> 
> It's a fine line to tread between creating conflict from all this and making them too out of character; on the one hand there's really-assertive Souji and Yosuke kind of just going along with him, and on the other there's Yosuke being completely fine with doing all sorts of things with Souji with no regard for his clear issues with homosexuality in relation to his desire to fit in/be "normal". So I kept the romance as sparse as I felt was appropriate, partially to keep everything believable and partially because I think the most important thing about their relationship is how it's strong and good regardless of underlying romantic or sexual feelings. And I left the ending somewhat open on that note, because 1) I don't really see them (or, specifically, Yosuke) as being ready to completely commit to a label during Souji's year there and 2) I think I lack the skills/time to patch together a realistic way in which they'd work through everything to a coherent extent.
> 
> So anyway, sorry this is super super long :S But if you read it I hope you gained some understanding of my thought process or the story as a whole. I really enjoyed writing this and thinking about it, and even though I continue to doubt my skill as a writer I'm pretty proud of this. Thank you again for reading, and I'll see you guys around ~.~

**Author's Note:**

> I have almost all the chapters done, I'm just cleaning up the last few, but I'll be posting them weekly. I'll also update the total number of chapters when I actually have an idea of what it might be. Thanks for reading!


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